the first days
I am a seventeen year old with a mind plagued by irrational thoughts, living by the words "may your heart be the map", getting by.
river-lily:

the sun the stars the sky the moon (by m-meow)
You know what’s sad about reading books? It’s that you fall in love with the characters. They grow on you. And as you read, you start to feel what they feel - all of them - you become them. And when you’re done, you’re never the same. Sure you’re still you, you look the same, talk in the same manner, but something in you has changed. Something in the way you think, the way you choose, sometimes, even the things you say may differ. But it all comes down to the state you go to after a nice novel. The after-feeling. It’s amazing, but somehow, you feel left alone by that world you were once in. It’s overwhelming. But it makes you sad. Cause for once you were this, this otherworldly being in… Neverwhere, and then you suddenly have to say goodbye after a few weeks from when you read the last page. When you’ve recovered from that state. It’s just… quite sad.
— Hunger Games (via vvolare)

(Source: atomos, via vvolare)

(Will probably result in not being in chronological order, too much has happened, or so it feels)

  • argument no. 1 with ex-best friend (which sounds harsh but the past tense is not down to me in the slightest)
  • decided on new life-plan: if I consequently fail history AS level at the end of this academic year I would like to leave sixth form entirely and embark on a course at college were three full A levels are not required. I would work for the year between leaving and going on the course at the end of 2013 which would be perfect. Discovered that there is available a Foundation Degree in Journalism which would be WONDERFUL!!! But two A levels are required so I will need to complete this year by the skin of my teeth in order to fail history at the end of my A levels so I will only have two A levels (English and media) which will be satisfactory to do this degree and it would be more perfect than going to the UEA because they don’t do a degree in journalism and I have decided that I would like to stay centred around my hometown although I will travel travel travel when I can. My plan sounds confusing but I understand so I suppose that’s all that matters.
  • abandonment from apparent friends
  • complete and utter abandonment in history - puzzlement
  • becomes apparent that they are angry because I had been “talking about ___ behind their back” when, once again, I was in truth, not involved. (I wish people would see, after knowing me well for a significant amount of time, that I am the most impartial person in existence. Yes, opinionated, but not opinionated enough to cause rifts/trouble)
  • argument no. 2, between L and E 
  • INTENSE FEELINGS OF ANGER
  • had fringe cut 
  • came home to more drama in the form of the baffling person I have ranted about many a time in the past. The conversation was not pleasant and I don’t wish to go into great detail but it was not positive by any means. I have come to the conclusion that you are a waste of my time and I want you disappeared entirely 
  • today, an apology from E and on behalf of her abandoning friends 
  • happiness
  • bus shelter moments with L (priceless, absolutely priceless)
  • joined L for a trip to the tattooists for her tragus to be pierced, along with two of her work friends who also had piercings. Found myself longing for a new piercing, could only settle for having the bar changed to a hoop (which is enormously large for my dainty ear) 
  • strolled around town listening to Seapony and S.C.U.M and Violens to my nan’s house. Freedom! Made the decision along the way to make more lonely trips and walks by myself and more often; convenient preparation for tomorrow’s lonely free period which I have decided will be spent reading Started For Ten (which I started at the weekend and is brilliant brilliant brilliant! David Nicholls is a literary genius)
  • trimmed fringe because it was ridiculously long and made my eyes red and watery so now I can see out and wear it down with confidence (unlike today where I could not see a thing and felt an absolute fool) 
  • happy, I think, with a cup of tea and satisfactory fringe and new accessory in my ear and the promise of independence tomorrow. Also, specific new super cool person accepted my friend request so I am considerably content even though I will feel silly and self-conscious when tomorrow rolls around and I notice you.
whatsyourversion:

Fibrosensual
ilustro:

Let Go Of Fear by LeoDrawings on Flickr.
littleorange-:

(by Rosanna Webster)
dollface-girl:

untitled by jillian nicole. on Flickr.
hazeltonss:

(via Untitled | Flickr - Photo Sharing!)
concido:

(by v.a.l.e.n
)
concido:

(by jacqueline riman
)
luna-nueva:

untitled by craig schlewitz on Flickr.
-distractions asked: Love, you're doing great. You'll get there if you want it :) Life is your friend :)

Oh this is wonderful. Thank you so, so much, it’s honestly the loveliest thing to hear when sometimes it doesn’t seem that way at all. I’ll keep your message in mind! xx

I would very much like to see the return of my normal previous eating habits please: not denying myself breakfast and lunch and being able to resist the temptation of one of those horrendously unhealthy bakery-cooked cookies mid-afternoon through lack of energy and boredom and desire for stodgy food; I would love undeniably much so to be able to have porridge for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch and a regular evening meal without having meaningless snacks along the way which are solely a result of denying myself the day’s normal feeding schedule; I want to be able to sometimes allow myself a treat without feeling guilt-ridden and humungous immediately afterwards because I will be assured that it will not go anywhere it is not required to go; speedy metabolism: denying myself nutrition, I know full well, will only result in my poor body desperately storing anything I eat which has recently been unhealthiness due to deprivation which is incredibly and undeniably BAD despite my slightly biased attitude; I want to be able to restaurant-go with friends and family and future lovers without mild panic attacks; I know that I would never be the same, despite what they say, and I know that if I continue with this and fall into this deathly trap my entire future as I imagine it will disintegrate and I might as well say goodbye to any hopes I had of having a family and a loving husband and normal functioning happy long life surrounded by my own healthy family supported by my ever so successful career in journalism. I must learn to love myself as I am and learn that others love me as I am and learn that people I will meet in the future will love me as I am. 

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